|Posted on 6 June, 2021 at 15:50|
Exploring your bi curiosities
The number of men who desire sexual experiences with other men is much higher than you could possibly imagine. I get so many guys who come to me as a safe place to explore their curiosities and desires that aren’t as accepted in our/their societies. They understand on some level that sexuality is fluid, that a sexual experience doesn’t define someone’s sexuality, even if they cannot put words to it. There is such an incredibly high level of stigma against the idea of men being gay as the worst possible thing they could imagine. Curiosity is natural in humans, especially when it comes to sexuality.
Let me say this very clearly SUCKING COCK DOESN’T MAKE YOU GAY, HAVING A SEXUAL EXPERIENCE WITH A MAN DOESN’T MAKE YOU GAY. These are experiences that can come and go without affecting your actual sexual identity.
There are often levels of people exploring their curiosities. They range from a role play where they have another man join in fucking their wife or girlfriend right up to wanting to place an ad for a free for all in hotel room with men coming and going using the guy and all his holes. There are as many fantasies as there are men in the world, while most follow a few common themes they are all specific to that man’s desires. Most of these desires are bred from various movies or porn scenes they have seen. The feeling that watching these scenes brought high arousal doesn’t always match the experience. This can be why many men have tried at some point in their life then given up on in person fun and relegated themselves to a life of jerking off, or roleplaying whether with a partner or a professional. They took the leap to have this fantasy become reality and when it didn’t go as planned, or didn’t provide them with the same feelings the porn scene did, they gave up. I often work with men who want to try again but are scared.
The role plays are a wonderful and safe place to discuss these details and weave a colourful and satisfying experience before taking the step to actually meeting and hooking up with men. The fantasies can be powerful and I want to create a very sexy space that feeds that fantasy while also discussing the reality of an actual hook up. So we explore the details of what it would be like to touch a man’s skin, to taste it, to feel the stubble of a face when kissing, the texture of a hard penis, etc. We can work into a very detailed scenario spinning your specific fantasies into an almost real experience. Another part we discuss is how it would affect their lives if they were outed or their lives were affected by these experiences. This could be guilt from hiding a part of yourself from your partner or family, it could be friends mocking or humiliating you, it could be the potential for change to your career. We want to be sure to be real about these things and discuss pros and cons without just doing things because your dick is hard.
It’s always fun when guys have decided they are ready to meet other men and explore these fantasies in person. They choose a website or an app that they want to use, they often ask for help in writing a profile that will explain what they are searching for-I help them write and explain that 95% of guys don’t read profiles so it really doesn’t matter what they write. Every single guy that has started the process of meeting an in person partner has come back to me to say some variation of “holy fuck, men are terrible!! They don’t read profiles, they don’t listen when I speak, they are rude, and demanding and terrible” I laugh and laugh and they often apologize for their gender and how much worse it must be for women who are on dating sites. I share some stories and we bond over it. Once they have understood that this is common and not specific to them we can work towards finding a good fit. I remind them that having some set rules/guidelines/boundaries are a good idea. This could mean not meeting the first day they chat, meeting for coffee/drink/somewhere public before hooking up, etc. Whatever it might take for them to feel comfortable and safe. They realize it is a very different experience to meet a guy to hook up with than it is to meet a woman.
Of course there are the indepth conversations around safety including; how to discuss STI testing, safe sex practices, consent, expectations around privacy, being open about being in a straight relationship, communication methods, frequency of communication etc. For many men who are looking to explore this world of bi curiosities they are not looking at it the same as dating and this needs to be clear. This can seem like a lot of work, but trust me it is always worth it and if it’s important to you to be able to have these conversations, you should find a partner who is willing to have them. Your needs are more than how you are going to orgasm and sadly we often don’t become aware of our boundaries until they have been crossed.
So sit down and treat it like a cross over between a first date and a job interview. Know your expectations (as much as you can without having had experiences), know your limits (I often play a big part in helping guys discover these), and be confident that you have the right to have your needs and boundaries respected.
If you are someone who is looking to explore these interests either in a roleplay fantasy or real conversation about making it happen in your life feel free to contact me [email protected] we can set up a text or cam session to help you feel comfortable and bring these curiosities to life!
|Posted on 5 April, 2021 at 8:05|
Intro to Domme
A light introduction to some popular BDSM activities, deep dives into each of these will follow!
First things are understanding this could change your day to day relationship in addition to bedroom (or whatever room you play in) time. Being a Domme is not just ordering someone around and being a bitch, it is a serious responsibility that takes a lot of work to ensure needs are met and everyone is enjoying.
Important to know that all needs are met, this can be physiological, emotional, mental. Open communication is very important and regular check-ins are a good idea as you find your flow of things. Until the power exchange becomes a natural flow in your relationship it is smart to start with set scene times. So choose times you want to play, discuss what type of activities you would like to try or work on in that scene time. Focus on one activity at a time until it becomes natural and then begin to add others in a more complex means. After a scene it is important to debrief. Discuss what you each felt went well and what didn’t go well, how it could be better, if you want to do that activity again, etc. we will discuss after care in a bit, it is as important if not more than the safety focus during a scene.
Titles to call each other in scene are very useful-these can be traditional like Domme/Mistress/Goddess/Madam or sub/slave/pet/toy. Or could be complete alter ego names. It can depend on how much of the scene is acting a role and how much is your true reality. You will determine what feels natural to you and what is comfortable for both.
Safety is so important. This includes takeing care of the physical body along with respecting mental/emotional limits. Absolutely no assumptions can be made. This includes assumptions about how the sub is feeling or how you think they should feel or react to something that happens. There are different safety aspects to different activities. Safe words should always be used and available for both parties. You can choose your own safe words, or use traditional colours. Many people use Red, Yellow, and Green. Green is all good and keep going. Yellow is it’s ok but don’t go harder/longer/tighter (depending on the activity). Red is stop immediately no questions asked. If you wish to use your own words be sure both parties fully understand the context in which they will be used. The sub should be comfortable enough to be able to say if something is going too far and not push themselves because they think they should or it will please their Domme. The Domme should be checking in regularly during activities by simply asking “colour” and the sub respond honestly. Anytime a red is used it should be discussed in an after scene debrief so both parties understand what happened and how to avoid this situation in the future.
Aftercare is incredibly important, specifically for the sub. The sub usually experiences an intense endorphin rush while in scene which is followed by something often referred to as ‘sub drop’ once the scene is over. Depending on the intensity of the activities and how deeply in the zone the sub is will determine the level of drop. This is often equated to giving blood in the effect it has on the body. Similar treatment is recommended which includes lots of fluids, protein, natural sugars, quiet time, and rest. Immediately following a scene it is wise to have a blanket available to stay warm and to drink some natural fruit juice. This should be followed by a quiet restful time either alone or with the Domme depending what the sub desires (if the desire is alone the Domme should not go far, and should check in every 20 min for the next hour) This period can often be a wonderful intimate time of quiet, gentle touching. However long the sub needs, could be 5 min could be an hour, should be honoured as well as the Domme taking the time they need to come back to themselves. Large amounts of water should be consumed as well as some form of protein so your body can balance out from the endorphin rush. Once you are feeling steady, (don’t try to stand too fast and walk as you may fall over, DO NOT try to be tough) you should get some water and sit somewhere comfy and debrief. Discuss what you loved, what you didn’t, what you would change etc. take notes if need be.
Safety during smothering/facesitting/trampling is mainly around being able to breath and being aware of pressure points on the face as well as not breaking the nose. It is good to start with soft body parts like breasts or belly, get used to the feeling pushing against the face, getting a count for how long your sub can hold their breath comfortably and how far you can push past that comfort. Once you are comfy with the feeling and your sub understands that even if you push past their comfort you will not cause harm to them, you can move onto face sitting.
Straddling the face is a good start, put one knee on the side of their head, thigh against their ear, the other foot on the other side. This gives you the control to raise and lower while you both get used to the sensations and timing available for breathing. Once this is good, you can lower the other leg to being on both knees. My preference is to face the head so his nose is either tucked just in my pussy lips or above. Depending on your build a hanging belly can be used to assist in smothering by leaning forward so the entire face is covered. Facing your subs feet can also be an option so his nose is tucking into your ass crack. This depends on what the taste/smell fetishes are and what you are both comfortable with. You must be able to lift yourself slightly or pull back belly/pussy lips to allow the sub to breath when necessary. There is a device called a pussy snorkel, I have no personal experience with it. Obviously in this situation the sub cannot use their safety word nor can they hear you check in with them as your thighs are clamped on their ears. I find a quick double tap works well on whatever body part of yours the sub can reach. This is important to keep in mind if combining restraints with smothering play. If the sub cannot reach a body part of yours they should be given some sort of bell or something that makes noise when shook. A quick homemade version could be a water bottle with rice or popcorn kernels in it that they can shake to indicate a need of breath. It can be fun to push limits and wait a second or two after they indicate. You can go up and down as many times as you are both enjoying. Perhaps take a few min break for deep breaths and check ins. Try different positions, get creative.
Safety focus during rope play and restaining is often on pulse points, ensuring you are not restraining tightly on joints, or major arteries. Regular checks on finger nail colour (blue or purple indicate a lack of blood flow and that restraints need to be loosened) as well as checking in with your sub on any tingling (fingers/toes falling asleep) as this also indicates improper blood flow. Two knotty boys is a great reference on different types of rope, safety, as well as designs. They have a website with downloads and physical books. They show basic right up to very complex and suspension play. Read the reviews on different size/type of rope as unfinished hemp vs cotton vs nylon will all feel and tie differently.
A good starting place for restraints is basic wrist and ankles as there are tons of sets available. My experience is velcro straps are useful as are full adjustable versus leather cuffs with buckles which are often a bit big or a bit small. A great set is one that will attach between mattress and boxspring as that offers good flexibility for positioning and activities as straps can slide freely.
This is a wonderful and simple activity. it is great for becoming comfortable with the power exchange in addition to a way for the sub to show his dedication to his Mistress/Goddess/Madam/whatever title you decide on. This can include anything from a dedicated massage, with focus on your relaxation as well as your sub exploring your body to learn your likes, hidden pleasure zones, etc. Be sure to communicate either with words or moans/sighs/etc to indicate this is good, you want more of this, or speaking up when something doesn’t feel good, be it too much pressure or not a pleasure zone. Basic massage classes are often offered at local colleges or a book on pressure points for feet are easily found. Perhaps have him focus on one general area or part to begin and master, then explore out. This can be incredibly intimate and a great low key connection point. There are many different massage oils available. They can come in liquids or creams or solids that warm up with body temperature. Light scents that please both people are important as well as knowing it the product is safely edible. Stick with natural products, no added sugar as this can irritate the skin, and cause yeast infections if used internally. Simple and quality would be coconut oil as is great for the skin, smells and tastes great and can have scented oil added if desired.
Other types of pampering could include manicure, pedicure, shaving or trimming body hair on each other (very intimate), other body worship could be extended oral all over the body or on a specific part.
|Posted on 15 June, 2019 at 15:20|
Contrast sensation play heightens the nerves and expands the sensations on the skin.
This will be a class with a live bottom that I will demo the sensual and fun world of contrast sensation play.
Think hot/cold, firm/light, scratchy/soft etc. We will demo great vanilla options into some slightly kinky stuff.
As soon as the body adjusts and begins to expect, we change it up to keep everything intense. Will teach the subtle things to watch for and ways of mixing sensations to heighten it all.
I will demo a variety of items, many of which are "pervertibles" as in bed bath beyond or home depot type finds that we pervert to our own use! Then you will have a chance to practice on my bottom and each other if desired.
These are skills that work beautifully into any type of session whether vanilla or kink.
Class will be $150 per person (ask about discounts if you've taken my classes before) (Also if cost is an issue, reach out and we will see what we can arrange for payments/trade options)
Monday June 24 6-9 pm at my beltline studio (address sent post deposit)
Deposit of $50 to join, remainder paid at class.
Snacks/drinks provided. Max of 8 students so reach out to get your place
Deposits/contact to [email protected]
Looking forward to seeing you soon
|Posted on 3 May, 2019 at 0:10|
I will be starting to teach monthly classes at my incall on a variety of Domination topics.
I've been a Pro Domme off and on for almost 20 years. I have immense experience, and am incredibly safety minded.
I have spoken to some of you who are quite interested in learning and am looking forward to teaching the in depth skills that would be a great addition to your toolbox.
The set up would be 2-3 hour classes, with 4-6 students (depending on the skill).
Will be $100-$150 per person (depending on skill, possible sliding scale). Discounts avail for those who are booking into multiple classes.
There will be snack and beverages provided during/after.
There will be an intro, talk about past experience, the psychology of that kink, the safety surrounding that kink, safe words/after care, demo's on one of my bottoms, opportunity to practice on self/each other/bottom, debrief.
Some of the subjects I'll be covering over time will be:
-Impact play-Flogging/Paddling/Crops- From gentle to intense, mark leaving toys
-Edgeplay- Vampire gloves, knives, whartenberg wheel,
-Pervertibles-fun items bought from vanilla places that can be easily turned into fun kinky toys (bed, bath and beyond/home depot etc)
-CBT(cock ball torture) or Genitorture (for play with trans or female subs)
I have also been a mostly online/phone sex worker for 5 years and have a wonderful depth of info regarding cam sites/phone sex options/creating clips to sell on variety of sites. I am avail for one on one meetups to discuss how to get into these arenas.
I will be working on setting up some civilian classes as well on spicing up marriage etc but those need to be planned out.
So I will begin scheduling soon, I'll be advertising here but also taking names/emails to contact for future classes.
Let me know if you want to be added (DM here, twitter @sultrymissem)
I'll post dates shortly.