Femininity Blog Post
*I begin this post with saying not all women are feminine, not all men are masculine, and more than 2 genders exist. There is such a sliding scale of gender identity and masculine/feminine that cannot be broken down into boxes. It is also something that can change from day to day or at different points in your life. This post is from my perspective in my identity as a high femme woman and my experience with man who want to be sissified/cross dressed as a kink or fetish outlet. I highly recommend checking out the genderbread person for a better visual and understanding here: https://www.genderbread.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Breaking-through-the-Binary-by-Sam-Killermann.pdf*
The power of the Feminine is one of my favourite parts of my sex work career. I have always been what is considered a high femme. I love dressing up in nice dresses, I get pleasure out of doing hair, nails, makeup. I wear makeup because I like how it looks and how I feel, not because I believe I am supposed to wear it. I don’t put makeup on to go to the gym or for a walk or a hike. I can be comfy dressed down, but I feel great dressed up. A perfect relaxing evening for me is a candlelit bubble bath, with a glass of wine, a face mask and a good book. I am someone who didn’t struggle through the pandemic as I have always enjoyed doing all my self beautification. I dye and cut my own hair, I do my own manicures and pedicures, facials and masks. Having access to supplies and the required skills to do these things means I can beautify on my own schedule.
The power of the Feminine can be a challenge to find and can be used in a variety of ways, some often quite contrary to one another. There can be power in being soft (physically or emotionally), vulnerable, wanting/needing help and support. There can be power in being strong (physically or emotionally), being tough, impenetrable, and independent. To me the idea of finding power is using your type of Feminine in your way, not because you feel society as a whole or a single person is telling you to do so.
My Femininity is in my confidence in my beauty, sensuality, the softness of my flesh, the length of my hair, the curves of my body, mixed with a strong level of independence. This isn’t how everyone feels Feminine. I hate the colour pink and very rarely have it in any areas of my life, whereas, for many people the colour pink is the ultimate in Feminine. I find power in the effect my sensuality/curves/beauty have on others, to draw people to me. There is an undeniable power in watching a person (often men in my case) go from his normal, self assured, powerful self, to a whimpering puddle with the flash of a smile or the sway of a hip. There is something very true about the saying “using her womanly wiles”. There is certainly an antiquated sense of gender and heteronormativity to this, the base of me as a woman able to pull power from what I have remains true.
I do not find Feminine power in wanting/needing help. Independence is so sexy to me and I love knowing I can do everything on my own. Many of my partners love this too. They love knowing I don’t NEED them so it’s a damn big deal if I choose to let them in, to let them support me whether financially, emotionally, physically, etc. Part of what is great about Femininity is that others can feel those same endorphin based, euphoric bursts from being vulnerable, needing/wanting support from others (in this case usually from someone masculine). They love knowing they can be soft, vulnerable, and lean on others to fill their Femininity. There is no right or wrong way to be Feminine.
Many of my clients come to me because they love the Feminine, not in the sense that they see it in others and appreciate it, but that they want to feel it, show it, be it.
They want the pink chastity cage, they want the cute dress or sexy lingerie, they want to feel their version of Feminine and how that relates and interacts with what they see as powerful masculine. My experience is that these men see Feminine as the submissive, vulnerable often to the point of being used. If we dive deeper into this it is fueled by another antiquated, outdated, and in my opinion, unhealthy view of Feminine. This stems from societal grooming that teaches them that men are powerful, and in charge while women are made for them, to be used and submit to their wants and needs. This is a great place to educate on the damaging effects of the patriarchy on how women, or in this case Feminine people are treated. There is a level of toxic masculinity built in with men seeing sexual servitude, being used, being debased or humiliated as a strictly female thing and that if they aren’t a “manly man” they are less than. We can discuss these underlying issues while these men have a safe place to explore their desires.
They want roleplays around being dressed in “girly” clothing, having men use them for their sexual pleasures. This is often mixed with a sense of being “forced” to perform oral, or be the bottom for a sexual experience of someone they see as a “real” man. They often want me or a woman in the room for one of 2 reasons. The “forced” aspect is that they can only do it because I “make” them or because they want to please me. The other reason is that they want to be humiliated by a powerful woman while submitting to a man through me. They realize that society has told them they are less than for whatever reason (body size/shape, penis size, artistic interests, etc) and have turned that pain to pleasure as this is how many fetishes are born.
Are there problematic aspects to these mindsets when we look at traditional gender roles and expectations? Oh hell yes there are! However, I do not believe kinks and fetishes are a place for political correctness and ever changing acceptable terms/roles of people in our society. I can hold a safe place for someone to have their needs and desires met in a session and turn around and fight those same misconceptions in my day to day life.
It took me a while to understand and accept that this isn’t hypocrisy, but exactly how fetishes play out and work for people. This doesn’t mean I do all types of fetishes or kinks, I have a good list of ones that are just too much for me to dive into, but I also do not believe people should ever feel shame or judgment for what turns them on or gets them off.
My Femininity could be the same as yours, have a few crossover aspects or be completely different. We all have traits that are viewed as traditionally masculine or feminine and we all find power in those in our own ways.
If you want to explore my version of Power in Feminine, please do so through my camming, texting and content- SultryMissEm.com