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The thoughts and experiences of SultryMissEm

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So what do you do when you have a woman who doesn’t share your language, or sense of reality sitting in your home as you wait?


You recognize that the universe is offering the opportunity you have been waiting for. The opportunity to practice kindness and compassion. She spoke occasionally to me, repeating the same few things she had at the door. She spoke to at least one other person I could not see in her native language. I sat quietly, and simply held space while we waited.

We had four days of activities, learning, networking, and simply existing. It was so special to meet these people I had interacted with online, as well as many new people to meet. To see them with faces, and 3 dimensionally, feel their energy, feel who they are when they aren’t in ‘advertising to clients’ mode. It was really something special.Coming off the first National Assembly for Sex Workers put on by ANSWERS, I am left looking around at how long I went without feeling what I felt there.


This is a kink I dabble in but am quite passionate about. I am a findom purist. This means I believe in findom that is the rare, but real, desire to give money solely for the sake of giving money. It is not purchasing content, it is not guys complaining they aren’t into findom when you explain the cost of content or services. Several years ago now there was a well known content creator who took findom mainstream with some articles in the media. This has led to a horrible watered down, lack of understanding, confusion of the actual fetish. Now men think it’s findom to simply purchase content/sessions, which is not at all the same thing.

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A very important aspect to take away from this is that having a transactional aspect to a relationship does not in any way negate how real the relationship is. In many ways it adds to the longevity of a relationship when both parties feel respected and taken care of.

First off this reads as a person who spends a lot of time getting high and watching intense kink porn. He sees these things happen on film and feels what those visuals do to his body and believes he wants to experience them all together. I would be shocked if this person actually had any interest in the follow through of a full session as listed.

Chosen family can be for anyone, people who had shitty families or people who had great ones. These are the people that may start as friends but become so much more, these changes can happen quickly or can happen slowly over time. These people offer the support that is needed and missing from the family they are born into.

I kept thinking what if someone had a place to go and see a list of people who are not going to have an issue with our industry, who have experience with doing these types of jobs in our industry. Combining this with the idea of wanting to support other sex workers, I decided to create a directory of Sex Worker Skills.

I am grateful for all these women, real and imagined/written. They gave me examples of how to be a woman in todays world and society. They also inspired me to be the very specific, non conforming, powerful, fucking the societal boxes, independant, outspoken woman I am so damn proud to be!

How often do you use forceful or violent terminology around sex? Think about the phrases and words you use around sex and hookups and physical intimacy. Do they scream consent? Violence? Aggression? Force? Think about them and see what happens. Once you become aware of it, it can be really change how you hear conversations. It’s one of those things that you cannot unsee/unhear.

The power of the Feminine can be a challenge to find and can be used in a variety of ways, some often quite contrary to one another. There can be power in being soft (physically or emotionally), vulnerable, wanting/needing help and support. There can be power in being strong (physically or emotionally), being tough, impenetrable, and independent. To me the idea of finding power is using your type of Feminine in your way, not because you feel society as a whole or a single person is telling you to do so. 

I share these personal things to help put some perspective on why generalizations are so hurtful to so many people. Assumptions that all fat/obese people are a burden to the health system is damaging and untrue. Damaging to those of use who have never put any stress on the healthcare system due to our weight.

It is incredibly important that people understand how necessary communication is in a power dynamic whether this is in lifestyle play or professional play. There is a huge space for miscommunication and misunderstandings. Here are some of the expectations and responsibilities of Tops and of bottoms before, during, and after play time.

The first time I remember being fascinated by a fetish and realizing what a fetish really was about 20 years ago. I met a guy online for casual sex and he explained his love of feet and introduced me to CBT (cock and ball torture)...

Being able to recognize what sets off your anger, how you let it out, where you feel it, and how you feel after it disperses are all important to learn and understand. This is a starting point for being able to really recognize the underlying emotions listed, what the anger is covering and how you can either live with it, or change it.

I am a professional Dominatrix. This means I am paid to interact with clients, mostly men, in a way that allows them to explore their sexuality in a safe place without judgement. This can mean helping them explore pain, pleasure, life goals, how to make the most of what they are doing. I do video sessions, chat sessions, I create videos etc. Everything I do is legal. I pay taxes, and am similar to anyone else who runs a small business-except I am every department-admin, content, marketing, creative, HR, PR, accounting etc.

I dream often of a world where we can do our jobs and get paid without problems. Where we can be seen for the amazing healing work we provide. Understood that we meet needs that people are missing in their lives-human contact, touch, acceptance, sexual gratification etc.

SO, he went from having a safe space where he could be honest, feel no shame and explore his desires without any judgment, to a space that he cannot share because he feels shame and judgment. How is this better? Why is it ok that he pays the therapist, who he is limited in talking to, but it’s somehow dirty for him to pay the person who he has freedom with?

Many of us in the kink community have spent time thinking back to our formative years and what we were exposed to that brought these parts of us to the surface. Was it an image? Album cover? Movie? Show? Song?

So while the world, our society, etc deem us to have a certain value at certain times in the line, how do you value or have valued yourself at different times in your life? This will significantly change between an eighteen year old and an eighty year old. The longer you have been around, the more “parts” of life there have been, the more you have to choose from, yet at the same time the more faded the memories of those times become. I'm a paragraph. Click once to begin entering your own content. You can change my font, size, line height, color and more by highlighting part of me and selecting the options from the toolbar.

It’s an example of just how much the civilian world doesn’t understand sex work. How it doesn’t understand the connection you make with clients, the amount you give of yourself in ways that just cannot compare with many regular jobs no matter how much you enjoy your work. Imagine the incredible healing work you do with your regular clients, the fantasies and experiences you weave into people’s lives in ways that no one else possibly can, being written off as yeah work sucks, yeah the world sucks.

One of my favourite types of play on cam or in chat sessions is roleplay. I love getting lost in a character and bringing someones fantasies to life. Knowing they have this idea, scenario, characters, etc in their head and I get to make it real for them is a wonderful sensation.

I have never been someone who considered themselves a perfectionist. More of a that’s good enough, that will do, not so bad type of completion person. I get the job done, it meets the needs, but it has flaws like me. Also like me, I strive to get better each time I do something.

It got me thinking about how I use my fatness in my sex work and my sex work identity. To understand how I use my fatness in sex work, I have to look at how I use my fatness in life...

While watching the recent YNOTcamawards, I learned about the lovely @AerieSaunders and her new project

While this site no longer exists I am choosing to leave this blog post as it remains true

After 7 plus years of working on cam you can start to categorize just about every guy who comes into your space. Every model will have their own categories and understanding of the relationships they have with their clients. These are the ones that have become common in my work...

A fave meme comes to mind as I sit to write this.

Simple, beautiful line drawings. One body says “does the full moon influence you?” The other is a woman who has long hair and a dress on, both have long tendrils going from her to trees, birds the moon, etc. Her response is “a little”...

I got this question on cam from a guy who was confused and intrigued by me. First he came in and was full of compliments about my beauty. The intensity of my eyes, the mischievousness of my smile, the confidence I exuded. I prompted him to read my profile and tell me what kind of fun he was looking for as I do with all people who come into my work space. 

Variety of ways to connect a Domme and sub in person and from long distance/online...

There are so many levels to cuckholding.

During a cam session I usually list these levels to gauge two main aspects. One is how involved a guy wants to be in the whole scene, as well as his true desire and intention behind wanting to explore cuckholding...

I have done years of fetish play, I have played with many “common” and many “unique” fetishes. One of my absolute favourite sessions ever, was fairly early on in my cam days I had a guy request that I wear a cardigan style sweater while blowing my nose. He requested the louder the better!!

The number of men who desire sexual experiences with other men is much higher than you could possibly imagine. I get so many guys who come to me as a safe place to explore their curiosities and desires that aren’t as accepted in our/their societies. They understand on some level that sexuality is fluid, that a sexual experience doesn’t define someone’s sexuality, even if they cannot put words to it. There is such an incredibly high level of stigma against the idea of men being gay as the worst possible thing they could imagine. Curiosity is natural in humans, especially when it comes to sexuality...

This seems like something that should be damn clear and easy enough to understand. However if you ask anyone in the sex work industry they will ALL have stories about how everyone from family/friends/partners to the media to clients have treated them as less than. Told they are not the priority, their pleasure is irrelevant, their need to feel safe is a joke, they are disposable...

Sex work is this interesting crossroads of so many parts of life. We are professionals, we supply a service, a service most people have access to/desire for in their day to day life outside of professional hirings. This “thing” that is totally acceptable to exchange between people with no money involved, suddenly becomes strange and less acceptable when money is added. With significantly different laws surrounding the exchange between sex worker and the client, it can make the transaction even more confusing with layers of concerns. 

A light introduction to some popular BDSM activities, deep dives into each of these will follow!

First things are understanding this could change your day to day relationship in addition to bedroom (or whatever room you play in) time. Being a Domme is not just ordering someone around and being a bitch, it is a serious responsibility that takes a lot of work to ensure needs are met and everyone is enjoying...

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