It’s amazing how much I can tell about a sub or client based on the language they use when they speak to me. Both in how they approach and in how they maintain communication. I can tell if they are actually interested in a power dynamic, if they know where they land in that dynamic, if they learned their sexual experiences from porn, if they see me as human or a sex robot for their pleasure.
I gave up on dating/hook up sites and apps years ago because the frustration wasn’t worth the mediocre sex and lack of money. Even with being off dating sites, I still get the “joy” of dealing with these nimrods on the cam site and fetlife.
This was an interaction I had last week:
Guy on Fetlife: Great profile and sites. Great job and well educated. I love Female Led Relationships and am naturally submissive and love to serve. Into cucking...yes 6"2" and tiny. Wanting to connect with like minded.
My response: You want female led relationships yet your first impression is all about you and what you want. No greeting, no inquiring about me. Try harder.
This is just one example of guys who approach claiming to want to serve, to be in a FLR, to submit, but all the while be focused on their own desires. It tells me they get off on the idea of submitting, but they are truly in it for their own pleasure.
Clients who demand that I Domme them in the cam chat room, but cannot understand when I lecture them on the irony of them demanding something from me while they want to be Dominated. They cannot seem to understand when I say there are dozens of ways I can Dominate them, to them there is only the one way that plays through their mind. Explaining not only that communication is absolutely necessary, but how their word choice matters.
Again in work, if a guy comes at me who wants to be Dominated but all he can tell me is about what he wants, what he likes, never asking how I feel about what he likes, not asking what title I want him to call me, etc. These are all signs that this client is there for his own pleasure and not actually there to submit or serve in true fashion.
My least favourite communication with clients is how often they want to inflict such violence on my genitals. They, of course, do not see it this way. They are terms often used in sexual experiences. The most common ones guys use with me:
~I want to pound your pussy
~I want to fuck the shit out of you
~I want to make you scream
~I want slam you
~I want to fuck you so hard
~I want to shove my cock in you
~I want to spank you
~I want to fuck you till you beg me to stop
~I want to make you orgasm
~I want you to force me to suck cock
~Make me cum
~Forced bi experiences
~Forced sissy play
There are others that are common even if not with me:
~I wanna smash you
~I wanna make you submit to me
~I’ll make you love my cock
~I’ll make you never want another cock ever again
~You will worship my cock
As you can see these are common phrases in sex, in porn, etc, but really they are violent and forceful and don’t scream active consent. Some are more intense like the velocity in which they want to penetrate me, others are straight up things they want to do to me without any question around consent or if i enjoy them.
How often do you use forceful or violent terminology around sex? Think about the phrases and words you use around sex and hookups and physical intimacy. Do they scream consent? Violence? Aggression? Force? Think about them and see what happens. Once you become aware of it, it can be really change how you hear conversations. It’s one of those things that you cannot unsee/unhear.
A different but similar example of language mattering is around possessiveness. I get a lot of guys on the cam site that want to marry me, think that if we were together that it would be a 24/7 kink buffet. No understanding of work versus life, no understanding of a life only focused on their desires. You want to possess me and my time, even while saying you are just wanting to submit and serve me.
Take some time and think about your language and the meanings behind the words you use. Feel free to contact me for a cam or text session to clarify and learn.