SultryMissEm

This is a kink I dabble in but am quite passionate about. I am a findom purist. This means I believe in findom that is the rare, but real, desire to give money solely for the sake of giving money. It is not purchasing content, it is not guys complaining they aren’t into findom when you explain the cost of content or services. Several years ago now there was a well known content creator who took findom mainstream with some articles in the media. This has led to a horrible watered down, lack of understanding, confusion of the actual fetish. Now men think it’s findom to simply purchase content/sessions, which is not at all the same thing.

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True* financial domination is usually the grown-up version of geeks in high school doing the homework of the popular girls. It is (usually) men who see certain women as above them, on a pedestal, Goddess level and realizing they don’t really have anything to offer these women in a traditional relationship. They know they are inadequate in society’s views of an “alpha” male and are desperate for the attention/time of these women. Since they cannot provide what they think these women want, they offer money. This makes them feel useful, like if they can bring something to the life of this Goddess, like they can serve a purpose.

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Understanding the mentality behind the kink/fetish can really help you be good at it and good at findom means repeat clients and often the skill of faking authenticity. While I mentioned “true” findom above there are some variants on that. These variants often come down to the mentality of the person who is seeking the fetish.

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·         The guy who feels inadequate, knows he can only get attention by paying. This guy often has self esteem issues, doesn’t feel he has much to offer the world/relationship.

·         This can be hard to differentiate from a GFE booking for someone who just wants attention/affection for the time booked-this guy is seeking the affection for the time booked, understands the transactional value.

·         Sugar daddy type scenarios where they claim to want to offer financial support, paying bills etc, but there are expectations and more often than not they want more than if they had just paid for sessions.

·         The unicorn is the super rare but pure findom guy is the one who receives actual pleasure from supporting you, doesn’t feel entitled to your time, and does it to feel good about himself.

 

The unicorn is what we all want. The elusive dream. They do exist but these days there are probably anywhere from 100-1000 Findoms for every unicorn. Also, sadly, these days they become more and more jaded as more and more people demand money.

 

The mindset of the Findom is just as/even more important than that of the finsub. You CANNOT be promoting yourself as a findom while also complaining about working 3 jobs, or not having enough money. This will solely bring you carrot danglers-guys who promise to send money if you do XYZ. This is not the correct power dynamic in a financial domination relationship. The findom is always in charge, whether she is sweet, or demanding, she holds the power and the finsub is always looking to please. The carrot danglers make a lot of promises and waste a lot of time, often for nothing. Any tweet that includes the words sugar daddy is pretty much guaranteed to have multiple guys in the responses saying message me and I’ll send money- see example https://twitter.com/AlleriaMystic/status/1464645380008820736

 

The idea is that you don’t NEED their money, you could take it or leave it, they need to work their asses off to even get your attention to take their money because you are so busy with those who are better than them, sending more than them, etc. That confidence, that lack of need is what a really good finsub is drawn to. That reminder of the power dynamic is what keeps them hooked. Often there is talk about addiction-everyone has to choose how they feel about using this term for this based on their own experience with addiction. The fact is that it is the same thing in the brain-There is a high that is sought and found by a finsub in this type of transaction that is the same as substance addiction. Talk about needing the Goddess in their life, controlling their purchases, setting budgets, giving up what they want just to feed her greed, or make her happy etc.

 

You will have to decide what type of findom you want to be. Are you sweet, compassionate, ensuring they are paying their own bills, are sending you within their budget-while always pushing them to do a bit better, etc. Or are you the “I don’t care if you can’t pay your bills, if your kids starve, if you are living off ramen, I want more!!!” type.

 

Both have their place, both can be highly successful and really it comes down to which role is more you, or which role can you keep up/play best. I am the sweet one, it works with my nurturing Domination style and keeps the good ones around a bit more when they feel I am not just in it for the money. Yes I always want more, however, I believe in karma and genuinely enjoy sculpting long lasting D/s relationships that span many years so this is best for me. If you know which you are, just go with it, if you are unsure-try one style for a few months, then try another and see what feels better/get better results.

 

You are pretty much guaranteed to have time wasters, guys who swear up and down they ordered the $5,000 watch off your amazon list and now are hoping/expecting to chat for awhile-may or may not be a personal experience when I started… At the same time, one of my best subs and by far my most supportive didn’t have a great start. When I “transferred” him from the cam site to direct contact/payment he tried to send me amazon gift cards and there was actually a problem with his card and the transactions weren’t coming through. I thought he was an ass, he was terrified I would block him. All of a sudden, I had over $650 in gift cards come through all at once. We still laugh about it 7+ years later. So you will learn to trust your gut and forgive yourself a few times no doubt.

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Some things to watch out for:

·         They want to send payment via their choice of platform-stand strong, while offering a variety of payment options (challenging in Canada for sure)

·         They avoid answering questions RE invoice numbers, checking with their CC, providing screen shots of payments

·         Make yourself acquainted with available screen shots they can download to send as fakes, along with apps that allow fake payment documents

·         Guys who push for chat/sessions/anything while promising they made payment but you receive nothing

·         Understanding that losing 20% to a site that is adult verified/covers chargebacks is often better than receiving 100% from potentially stolen CC, chargebacks, or underage people

·         Don’t ever shop with someone else’s credit card

·         Be wary of guys who give you access to any sites like amazon and tell you to shop on your own-the fraud charges will be on you

·         ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT

 

You are always in charge, remember that confidence (even if it’s fake) that you don’t NEED their money and be happy to walk away.

 

Some of my faves 

https://twitter.com/MissFoxxFD

https://twitter.com/VioletDoll

https://twitter.com/AlleriaMystic

https://twitter.com/Bhartbunny

 

*As much as I hate to sound like a gatekeeper of any fetish, it’s good to understand where something comes from and how it progresses/mutates to understand the types of subs/clients you will get while advertising this as a service you provide. 

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