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Exploring your bi curiosities

The number of men who desire sexual experiences with other men is much higher than you could possibly imagine. I get so many guys who come to me as a safe place to explore their curiosities and desires that aren’t as accepted in our/their societies. They understand on some level that sexuality is fluid, that a sexual experience doesn’t define someone’s sexuality, even if they cannot put words to it. There is such an incredibly high level of stigma against the idea of men being gay as the worst possible thing they could imagine. Curiosity is natural in humans, especially when it comes to sexuality.

Let me say this very clearly SUCKING COCK DOESN’T MAKE YOU GAY, HAVING A SEXUAL EXPERIENCE WITH A MAN DOESN’T MAKE YOU GAY. These are experiences that can come and go without affecting your actual sexual identity.

There are often levels of people exploring their curiosities. They range from a role play where they have another man join in fucking their wife or girlfriend right up to wanting to place an ad for a free for all in hotel room with men coming and going using the guy and all his holes. There are as many fantasies as there are men in the world, while most follow a few common themes they are all specific to that man’s desires. Most of these desires are bred from various movies or porn scenes they have seen. The feeling that watching these scenes brought high arousal doesn’t always match the experience. This can be why many men have tried at some point in their life then given up on in person fun and relegated themselves to a life of jerking off, or roleplaying whether with a partner or a professional. They took the leap to have this fantasy become reality and when it didn’t go as planned, or didn’t provide them with the same feelings the porn scene did, they gave up. I often work with men who want to try again but are scared.

The role plays are a wonderful and safe place to discuss these details and weave a colourful and satisfying experience before taking the step to actually meeting and hooking up with men. The fantasies can be powerful and I want to create a very sexy space that feeds that fantasy while also discussing the reality of an actual hook up. So we explore the details of what it would be like to touch a man’s skin, to taste it, to feel the stubble of a face when kissing, the texture of a hard penis, etc. We can work into a very detailed scenario spinning your specific fantasies into an almost real experience. Another part we discuss is how it would affect their lives if they were outed or their lives were affected by these experiences. This could be guilt from hiding a part of yourself from your partner or family, it could be friends mocking or humiliating you, it could be the potential for change to your career. We want to be sure to be real about these things and discuss pros and cons without just doing things because your dick is hard.

It’s always fun when guys have decided they are ready to meet other men and explore these fantasies in person. They choose a website or an app that they want to use, they often ask for help in writing a profile that will explain what they are searching for-I help them write and explain that 95% of guys don’t read profiles so it really doesn’t matter what they write. Every single guy that has started the process of meeting an in person partner has come back to me to say some variation of “holy fuck, men are terrible!! They don’t read profiles, they don’t listen when I speak, they are rude, and demanding and terrible” I laugh and laugh and they often apologize for their gender and how much worse it must be for women who are on dating sites. I share some stories and we bond over it. Once they have understood that this is common and not specific to them we can work towards finding a good fit. I remind them that having some set rules/guidelines/boundaries are a good idea. This could mean not meeting the first day they chat, meeting for coffee/drink/somewhere public before hooking up, etc. Whatever it might take for them to feel comfortable and safe. They realize it is a very different experience to meet a guy to hook up with than it is to meet a woman.

Of course there are the indepth conversations around safety including; how to discuss STI testing, safe sex practices, consent, expectations around privacy, being open about being in a straight relationship, communication methods, frequency of communication etc. For many men who are looking to explore this world of bi curiosities they are not looking at it the same as dating and this needs to be clear. This can seem like a lot of work, but trust me it is always worth it and if it’s important to you to be able to have these conversations, you should find a partner who is willing to have them. Your needs are more than how you are going to orgasm and sadly we often don’t become aware of our boundaries until they have been crossed.

So sit down and treat it like a cross over between a first date and a job interview. Know your expectations (as much as you can without having had experiences), know your limits (I often play a big part in helping guys discover these), and be confident that you have the right to have your needs and boundaries respected.

If you are someone who is looking to explore these interests either in a roleplay fantasy or real conversation about making it happen in your life feel free to contact me we can set up a text or cam session to help you feel comfortable and bring these curiosities to life!

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