SultryMissEm

When clients move on

 

With the type of work we do it’s impossible to not connect with clients regularly. No matter how much of a mask you wear when you work, there is a part of you that connects. I have a very clear rule about the fact that I don’t run a social space in my cam room, I want clients to tell me what they are looking for and do it. I am not here for small talk, I am not here for hanging out and chilling. I am working. Even with these strict ways of doing things I still connect deeply with clients over time

 

I have clients who have been seeing me since the first week I started camming over 10 years ago, I have clients who have only been coming to see me for a few months but they come back frequently. I may come across as business minded, but that doesn’t stop the connection from being deep and real. 

 

Over time I not only get to know the many levels of clients' desires and exactly how to give them the most incredible pleasure of their life, but also so many details of their life. I have been with clients through so many life events:

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• The weddings or parenting challenges of their children

• Job highs and lows and new careers

• Death of parents

• Health scares and accountability to be healthier

• Helping clients accept their fetishes and desires

• Death of partners

• Moves

• Stopping divorces

• Helping clients accept their sexuality

 

The connection has to be real for people to share such deep and meaningful life experiences with me. They need to trust me, trust my advice, my vision, etc. 

 

This is what makes it so tough when one of them decides they are stepping away, done with me, or ghost. I’ve had clients do all these and I’m pretty sure some have even died. I had a regular client for over a year who had a very specific fetish and came by once a month for it. He was in his early 80’s then suddenly vanished one day and haven’t heard from him in a few years. I think of the ones that have left often

 

It’s a tough part of our business. We can be an absolute priority in the lives of our clients, the relaxation, the pleasure, the one who listens, who understands, who doesn’t judge. We are the ones they crave, desire, and even need in life.

 

Yet we are more often than not the “dirty little secret,” “the hidden pleasure”, the one they need but don’t acknowledge outside of sessions. They cannot imagine life without us, but aren’t looking to share their experiences we have with anyone else. It can be challenging when we know how important we are, but aren’t treated as such by most clients. 

 

That’s all while they are still clients, we do this complicated dance set in place by how the world judges both sex workers and their clients. One of the only hot topics out there where both sides of the situation are judged equally and differently. This is partly due to the different laws around sex work in different parts of the world. Some places the sex workers are the criminals and some places the clients are the criminals. In all places both sides are stigmatized and judged for a whole variety of things. Often treated as “less than” humans simply for existing and celebrating the pleasures in life. 

 

One of the hardest parts is when they vanish and we are left wondering.

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People often think we just miss the money but those connections are real and they go both ways. We are left wondering if they got sick, caught, found someone else, died, stuck in a shame spiral, changed their tastes, etc. Most often we never know, we are just left with the uncertainty and sometimes the grieving process depending on the relationship. 

 

I had a client who was a regular for 2+ years, he shared once after a quiet period that he had a fatal kidney disease. When I asked about treatments he was on, he told me none, he was just planning on living out his last days as long as he had them. Said he hadn’t even told his mom. This was a pretty huge blow, especially right before he expected an intense cock and ball torture session. It wasn’t my place to question his choice or try to change his mind, but when he suddenly stopped talking to me around the start of Covid, I certainly thought the worst and was very sad about it. So when he randomly messaged to wish me a Merry Christmas 10 months later it was quite a shock, then he vanished again and it’s been almost 4 years since then. 

 

Sometimes the good clients have to move on too. They can still love us, still need us, still desire us, and yet it just isn’t the right fit anymore. Even the best of clients can struggle with telling us. They can go quiet, be unsure of how to handle it, be unsure of their feelings and processing them.

 

When a client, good or not, vanishes, I can handle it a few ways:

• Message them regularly pretending nothing has changed

• Ignore them back and wait for them to contact me (if they ever do)

• Make assumptions it’s because I did something and get upset

• Yell or threaten or insult them

• Offer an easy out with a list of options of what I think is possibly happening based on how well I know the client. 

 

I like the last option. I get a moment of closure, they get an easy out without extra explanation if that’s what they want, and I consider the bridge of our relationship still intact. I believe connections are real but not permanent. I believe grownups can up end a relationship, no matter what type it is, without anger or hurt. 

 

My hope is that other sex workers can accept the end of relationships with clients in a peaceful way. Even more so my hope is that clients can recognize the respect due to someone who has brought so much to their life.